Monday, April 21, 2003

The world is not out to get you

Do not read this.  Do not read anything.  Do not trust the government.  Do not trust strangers.  Do not help old people cross the street.  Do not run old people over with your car if you can help it.  Do not run red lights, especially if you are in a large truck.  Do not get convicted of a DUI if you ever intend to fly for money.  Do not fly if you drink alcohol within the last 8 hours.  Do not attempt to fly if your drivers license has a suspension or worse.  Do not land on the grass runways at KSU Airport.  Do not bend the propeller on landing and try to hide it, it doesn’t work.  Do not attempt to go to college to fly if you want any free time at all.  Do not attempt to go to college if you want any free time at all.  Do not live in the dorms if you live near campus.  Do not touch the bathroom floor if you live in the dorms.  Do not attempt to fix the shower curtains in the bathrooms, it is futile.  Do not piss off the large gay guy.  Do not piss off the RA, unless he is your drinking buddy.  Do not talk to the RAs, unless you want to go to the mandatory meetings.  Do not go outside the dorm, unless you want to have a life.  Do not have a life unless you want to fail out of college.  Do not fail out of college unless you want to work at a church all your life.  Do not slack off in high school, it helps.  Do not try exceptionally hard in high school, it doesn’t help.  Do not change Mr. Close’s Networking lesson plan, or you get an in-school.  Do not drop German class before the third year.  Do not forget the deadlines for housing applications.  Do not forget the deadlines for class registration.  Do not take computer courses if you are not a computer major.  Do not take fashion courses, period.  Do not take ‘electives’ in college.  Do not work off campus in your freshman year if you live on campus.  Do not forget to change the refresh rate of your monitor to 60Hz if you are hosting the anime club’s meeting.  Do not let your grade point average go below 2.5 if you are in the anime club.  Do not watch too much anime if you are in the anime club…unless you really really want to.  Do not join the Evil Genius Club at KSU.  Do not join the worship Satan club, anywhere.  Do not drive really fast on the streets between dorms, you’re not cool.  Do not put spoilers on minivans or Volkswagen Beetles.  Do not put anything other than a Darwin fish or a Linux fish on your car.  Do not stand up for your beliefs, unless you want to be ‘special’.  Do not talk in class, or you will be expected to talk every damn day.  Do not finish a project more than 30 minutes before it is due.  DO NOT FAIL ETHICS.  Do not take a class above the required level for your major.  Do not pay for anything from Rosie’s Diner.  Do not pay for anything, if you fail ethics and believe this is ok.  Do not take unwanted pictures and edit them later unless it is with permission or really fuckin hilarious.  Do not refrain from watching Fruits Basket.  Do not watch Puni Puni Poemi.  Do not click ‘Yes’ on Hot or Not.com.  Do not click yes on any message containing the word “Gator”.  Do not rely on one set of cheap CD-R’s for backup purposes.  Do not play games if you get really mad when you lose, there is always someone better.  Do not think that I never lose.  Do not play with bots on low skill levels just because you can win.  Goddammit, Do not smoke pot in the bathroom!  Do not read Maddox’s site if you have any respect for crazy people.  Do not look at Jo’s site unless you respect the mspaint skeelz.  Do not threaten suicide to make people like you, it doesn’t work.  Do not listen to anything rappers have to say.  Do not use a sewing machine with the door open, if you are male.  Do not wait more than 5 minutes for a Campus Loop bus.  Do not use the on-campus bank.  Do not do the “Freshman Experience”  Do not buy Microsoft Office, ever.  Do not read junk email.  Do not install Kazaa, only Kazaalite.  Do not buy a Dell.  Do not spend more than $200 on a piece of hardware…or software for that matter.  Do not pay for a service that should be free, if it were not run by communist bastards.  Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.

4.22.03 - Captain’s Log; supplemental
Your friends are not out to get you.  There is a fine line between fun little jokes and insults.  Some take things way to seriously.  They get mad when you do anything that you don’t agree with.  Saying things like I have betrayed them, and that everyone hates them and they are just going to kill themselves.  Heh.  It’s called constructive criticism.  Does the president kill everyone in his cabinet when they disagree with him?  No, they understand that people have different ideas.  The President does not sign offline before anyone has a chance to disagree.  I’m afraid the idea of constructive criticism is to help each other grow.  Weird senses of loyalty where friends must stick up for each other even when you know they are wrong does not help you grow.  I don’t know where they pick this up, but stop.  Friends are there to help you and to guide you along this wonderful shithole known as life.  And we are trying, if you’d let us.

Someone signed off at 11:34:05 PM.